Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize