I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
