it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
