Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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