My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
