Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
