Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
