Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
