he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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