R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
