Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
