your room smells of hookers.
And success
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
