i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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