That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
