Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
