What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
