i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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