i wish my penis had a tongue
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Less talking, more tequila
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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