dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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