3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
