i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
