I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
