It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
