Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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