He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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