Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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