I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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