dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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