Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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