Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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