I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
