I think I just saw someone hide a body.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
