were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
