I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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