i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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