I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
