I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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