She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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