Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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