Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
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Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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