is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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