i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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