Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
