if i can run in heels then i can drive
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
