Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
