is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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