worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
