Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
