The best revenge is premature balding
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
