I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
