And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
