I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
