Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
