doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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