My liver just broke up with me...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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