i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize