Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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