well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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