When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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