Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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