I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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