she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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