Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize