apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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