saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
