$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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