My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
third nipple confirmed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
