Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
