OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
