in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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