Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
